A Guide To A Conscious Breakup In Love & Work
You’ve built something really beautiful… an incredible relationship with your work, your job, or career… and yet you know, something needs to change. You’re exhausted. You’re OVER IT… and yet, the process is dragging along, lingering. You want to clear this energy but you’re not sure how… Breakups are awful, at least this is what you’ve been told, and you wonder…
A CONSCIOUS BREAK UP… IS IT REALLY POSSIBLE?
Two weeks ago, I experienced something that felt like a break up…
The human being in questions is gorgeous Argentinian lover. If you don’t know about him, ya should. Check out Polyamory & Life Purpose. We were talking about reconnecting in Mexico.
And then this happened…
It would have been so easy for me to get jealous, to tear them both down in my mind…
This is my journey to find compersion(a term that we use to describe feeling truly happy for someone else’s happiness) and to move on to my bright, shiny, beautiful, epic future with love and excitement.
It’s not easy to do retrain your brain around break ups.
It took me almost 5 years to get to this place. This guide serves as a heartfelt guide to what worked for me.
HOW TO GET ALL “SPIRITUAL AND SHIT” ABOUT YOUR BROKEN HEART
I ran into my friend Ryan at a gathering last week. I told him about my recent experience and he said, “I know you get all spiritual about this shit… but I can still slash his tires.” I laughed,“He doesn’t have a car right now.” “His bike tires?” He chided. “I can put legos in his shoes.” We burst into cackles.
“You know, I used to be a mean girl,” I responded.
He replied, “Deep down, I think I always new that and that’s why I like you. It means there’s hope for the rest of us.” I told him I would write something about my spiritual approach to breakups… so here it is.
If you’re ready to to truly move the fuck on in a highvibe way that feels good to you and to the people around you, these are my essential practices :)
Don’t Surprise People With Your Next Evolution, Inspire Them
Winning The Comparison Game With The Compersion Game
Becoming A Better Version Of You… For You
Life As Ceremony - How To Create One
5 Steps To The Spiritual Breakup Conversation
Let What You’re Leaving Still Be Good & Beautiful
ANGER IS REALLY EFFECTIVE/INEFFECTIVE
Often in transition, we get angry. I spent my whole early life being angry, trying to “protect myself”. I got bullied in elementary school and called a slut in the hallway. At some point, I couldn’t take it anymore. I started cussing out the senior girls, talking back to my teachers, yelling at my parents for taking away my car keys…
It just never really got me where I wanted to be. I acted like a complete maniac. I ruined relationships and most importantly, hurt myself.
I have no problem with anger. I want you to feel it,
but staying angry forever is just kind of exhausting.
Scream at the top of your lungs, punch a pillow, write a scathing letter and then burn it. The quicker you blaze through this by feeling so completely, the quicker you will come back to your sovereignty and clarity.
DON’T SURPRISE PEOPLE WITH YOUR NEXT EVOLUTION, INSPIRE THEM
So I’m on the phone with him, discussing my trip, driving to the creek in Colorado.
I hear, “I’m in a new relationship.”
“I’m dating this woman. She’s an actress and singer. She lives in LA. I think I will move to the US to build a life with her,” He says.
All of a sudden, I am lost on the interstate. I try to keep my cool, as I speed past yellow exit sign after exit sign. I don’t know what’s happening. Minutes later, I crash into my friends living room. Four of my girlfriends sit on the floor. They stretch out their arms and I fall in. “Can we cry with you?” I nod my head; tears stream.
We weep together. Wails, sniffles, deep breaths, our cries, all synchronize.
No fixing, no figuring it out, no editing or pretending, just honest tears, a sea of emotions, our souls merge into one feminine healing force field.
If you neglect to tell other people what is actually going on in your life - your relationships, your work, you are lying and robbing yourself of true connection.
It might not seem troublesome to you in the moment, but if you’re talking about your current job as if everything’s amazing and it’s really not, you are lying to yourself and everyone else.
It’s easier when you’re honest.
Please stop worrying so much about making sense about being put together. Maybe you don’t know why you’re sad or bored… it doesn’t matter.
If you continue to lack honesty in the way you present yourself to the world, you will always feel like a fraud. When you finally get up the courage to make a huge shift, you will have lost the trust from the people you love, because you’ve misled them.
Here’s what matters more than “being perfect” - what lights you up, what touches your heart, what is activating you - good, bad, ugly, beautiful.
Let people be with you on the journey to your truth - allude to it in your stories, make it the focus our persona. Keep talking about your business, as much as feels relevant. Make connections for people to how relates to your work, but please, don’t sensor yourself, don’t hide your most sacred emotions. THIS is your gift.
Your energy is your essence. Your overflowing heart is your brand.
Let us hold you in your unfolding.
WIN THE COMPARISON GAME WITH THE COMPERSION GAME
So, I googled her, this actress/singer woman…and she’s literally a drop-dead gorgeous, famous person with a net-worth of 1 million.
Ever been that girl, trolling through your former lovers Facebook or IG Story, ummm… clearly I have! It’s normal and it also feels like shit. From this I learned - You are not better than anyone. Nobody is better than you.
Stop playing the comparison game.
When we compare ourselves, everyone loses.
The same is true in your business. Stop modeling your offerings based on the Marie Forleo’s and Danielle Laporte’s of the world. They are not the perfect example. They are not you. Learn from these goddesses, let them be your Muses, but do not try to become them. Try to become more of YOU!
The next time you compare yourself to someone else in business, I want you to think about how this drains you, how it leads you further away from your own path and into some else’s solution.
Make a mental list of all of the ways you are different from this person. Instead of, “She’s really famous and I’m a nobody.” Think, “My life is simple. I have so much inner peace to share with the people around me.” Your brain will start to trickle back into old thought patterns…
Create your own breakup mantra and repeat it in these moments.
(Here’s mine)
I am a being of unconditional love.
I want everyone to feel unconditional love.
I celebrate love in others and myself.
I am a fountain of unconditional, overflowing love.
BE A BETTER VERSION OF YOU… FOR YOU.
Once you’ve figure out your comparison story and created a sense of resolve, you can finally use this experience as a catalyst for embodying the next version of you.
Whenever I end a relationship, I think about all of the qualities this person has taught me.
How I treat myself when I’m getting ready for a date!
How I treat my body when I think about making love with this person tonight!
How I absolutely slay at the rockwall or dance because of how incredible I feel!
How much time I spend at waterfalls and at the park, because of this person!
How I shine in my business when I am in a seductive energetic frequency!
These elements don’t get lost because we’re no longer related. They stay with me. These elements are mine now. They will always be a part of me.
The next time you feel lack luster in your work or your life,
become your own muse.
Put on a wild outfit, your favorite jewls, do something that makes you feel powerful… not so you can post a sexy selfy and prove to him/her that you’re still amazing, but just because it feels damn good to radiate.
SAY YOUR GOODBYE TO WHAT HAS DIED
Every transition is a sacred transformation through life and death energy.
Hold ceremony for your business. Hold ceremony for your life.
We sit with smoke medicine, under the pine tree, and pray to our ancestors. East, South, West, North and Northeast, to the earth mama, to Gaia, I read every poem. My sister sings medicine songs in Spanish; I sing in Sanskrit. Between every tear, we say thank you. Within every deep breath, I say, “Teach me.” It was the burial of an old self.
Every area of your life deserves this much attention and gratitude.
We often forget to give proper words to what we leave behind. When we forget to speak those words, they cling to us as we move into future ventures. What within you is dying right now? What are you ready to let go of, so that it can come back to you? Light a candle. Write. Sing. Dance. Resolve.
When you stop feeding your energy into things that don’t serve you, it frees up energy to reborn as a new offering/idea/entity for you to nurture with your love!
5 STEPS TO THE SPIRITUAL BREAKUP CONVERSATION
This could also be called, “How To Say I Quit With Love.” Speak your truth. Find compersion. Practice, practice. Get super fucking angry and activated. Practice again. There will be a point in your business, your boss, your whatever in which you can say the following words. This is a formula for the whole conversation. Fill in the blanks:
When you did this thing … describe the trigger that set it all off
I felt this way… insert a feeling. (Hurt/betrayed/abandoned are not feelings.)
I need this… insert a Universal Need (Love, attention, excitement, etc)
So I am creating space for… this by doing X, Y, Z.
I would like to ask that you… (Give me space, respect my decision, ask any questions that you need to resolve this, expression any emotions that you have)
So, this is what I share with him.
LET WHAT YOU’RE LEAVING BE GOOD & BEAUTIFUL
I tell him, “I just wanted a chance to fall in love with you again. I see the three of us, me, you, and our child walking down the beach together. It is the most beautiful picture. I believe it is another life and I am grateful.” He says, “I believe it will happen in this life. I really, really love you, Meg.”
And I believe him.
It is not naive. It’s real. The love I felt was real. It doesn’t need a meaning. It doesn’t need a rationale. This leads to judgement and villain creation.
I have made too many people wrong in my life. I have let too many people “hurt” me. Saying to someone, “You hurt me,” is the quickest path to becoming the victim of any relationship, to creating a villain, and to giving away our power. There is a new way.
You don’t have to make other people the villain in order to walk away and you don’t have to make the previous version of your work “bad” or “wrong” either.
How you’ve done business before, just gets to be an old version, one that doesn’t work for you anymore. There is a new version, with a lot of energy that you are creating. This new energy is your momentum. Instead of how it all went wrong, talk about the next exciting iteration.
TO CALL IN THE NEXT WAVE
Start to dream again. Yes, you will see his face, her hands, their characteristics. You will feel like nothing is happening, like you’ll never love again. Keep trying. The new dream is on it’s way.
When you start dreaming a new dream for your business, it will be the same. At first, it won’t feel all that new. You’ll be working with the same parts and pieces, rearranging them, playing. It won’t feel super exciting, but if you keep going, one day, magically, your best idea yet will burst into your mind.
The sooner you start creating possibility in your mind. The sooner it will appear… and remember to love what the Universe is giving you now.
He pours me a glass of wine and I’m already dripping.
An evening of pulling tarot cards on the full moon, talking about childhood trauma, our patterns, and near death experiences activate my whole being. I invited him over with a sultry text, “Want to come spank me?” Now he’s sitting on my fur rug and asks, “What do you want from this connection?” “Fun, laughter, and sexiness,” I tilt my head back and smile. It’s a new dream, a new possibility.
No, I’m thinking about whether or not he’s my life partner… and that’s not the point at all…
We take our time. He asks me what I like; he learns me. I’m curious as I run my fingers over his lips. We set boundaries. Sex is off the table, a huge turn on in this conscious co-creation of a night. We take turns pinning each other down, biting, spanking, playing…
Hours later, with his head between my legs, a ripple moves from the base of my spine to the crown of my head. I sob tears of ecstasy.
I’m the creator of my realm. I don’t need him to access this depth of bliss. It’s right here in me.
Safe in my own container. Present to the other. Grateful to for the next phase of life.
“Stay with me…” I whisper. “I’m right here.”
READY FOR THE NEXT PHASE?
Ready to rewrite the entire story of your business in a way that makes sense, in a way that inspires your audience along with you. Ready for new levels of bliss and creativity that you didn’t even know were possible? If so, I’m ready for you. My next round of 1:1 Mentorship is enrolling. I only work with 4-5 entrepreneurs in this capacity.
If you are ready for a total soul expansion, apply at the link below.
Dearest Goddess, I want to support you in bringing out your essence, honoring your darkest hour, rewiring your story, and stepping into your Muse Archetype. If you’re into all this witchy magick, click the link above.