My Delicious *Unconscious* Conception Story
If you’re hoping for a nice story about my “conscious” conception, this will not be it.
It will however be soul-pulsing, humanly infused permission
to manifest everything you’ve ever wanted ;)
With our first baby,
I felt like we didn’t do it “right”.
I was dreaming of a cosmic moment,
an incantation of our child’s essence,
astrological alignments... and on.
Some angelic shit that is so not my nature.
It was fast, primal, fertile wanting - soul to soul,
I wandered thru a dark jungle to meet Him in a tin covered shanty, a week a part, we smoked tobacco & dove into each others skin. In another dimension, I don’t even remember saying, “Come in me.” There was no perfect planning or fertility awareness methods.
Fertility asks you to come wild heart, screaming lungs, filthy passion & break the rules.
BECOME THE MATRIARCH
We prepare our bodies for new life in season by singing a soul closer through hard conversations, over sleepless nights of parenting & daily actions of tended care.
Fertility is honed in a dirty composting process of old Selves rotting,
and the dark winter of dying again and again.
So, that’s where our second conception story comes in.
RAW HUMXN MANIFESTATION magick
Rio gave us a gnarly stomach bug & my parents took him for the weekend. Alone at home, on a Saturday morning, we woke up just grateful to have survived & to be lying peacefully. We snuggled in our cave like room. We had the laziest encounter possible. We didn’t even kiss.
I had been crying for babies for a month & we thought, “Why not?”
“No way this will work anyways.” I thought, “Im practically on my deathbed.”
Gatorade, movies & crackers in bed all day.
End scene.
10 days later, I’m at the beach, my first solo trip.
I stare at two little ones in the tide pools below. I put my girlfriends hands on my womb, “Do you feel anything?” “No,” they said wincingly. “Me neither,” I say back. Shoulders drop.
I sleep gloriously for 10 hours behind lush blackout shades & walk down to the ocean when I wake.
I can hardly breathe.
A few more steps & I am super nauseous.
I sat down in the rocks, put my hands on my belly,
“Holy shit. I’m pregnant.”
The most instant clear knowing-ness.
I texted all my friends, didn’t take a pregnancy test, still haven’t & kept it secret from Jimmy for ages to surprise him on the beach in Costa Rica & that’s how our second baby came to be.
APPLICATION + INITATION
I’ve learned thru pregnancy, birth & mothering that the best kind of Manifestation is the real kind.
The first attempt puke s*x kind,
The primal jungle unconscious quickee kind,
One day saying, “It didn’t work.”
To the next, waking up with a 100% knowing that even a lab test couldn’t give,
Manifesting your dream reality is not a reward for your hardwork.
It’s not about what you’ve done or how you’ve parenting or aligned to love or WHATEVER,
Manifesting the vision is not a reward for being “conscious”.
Manifestation & rich fertility happens when we let consciousness create itself.
The true revelation, the ultimate awakening is watching life unfold just as it wants to
& aligning into its Heart.
So if you really want to reach the “next-level” of your work, love, s*x, relationship, money, body, whatever,
Sit back & start loving life exactly as it wants to be.
Let the selves die,
composted into rich earth,
get filthy in your own essence,
learn what it is here to be born
& what is meant to die.