Guide With Integrity A Manual for The Coaching Industry
Last week, I wrote a post asking if anyone had experienced abuse in the coaching world.
I was shocked by the response that I received.
Many women, including high-level coaches, shared with me their stories of unethical power dynamics within this industry. I heard everything from feedback being completely disregarded by coaches to guides yelling at people without consent in-person work, spiritual bypassing, lack of follow through on promises to an individual who left a $30k container completely traumatized and bankrupt.
I am by no means the police of the coaching industry and nobody is perfect. However, I would be completely remiss if I didn’t share the best practices that so many of you shared with me.
This is a treasure trove of knowledge, not just mine but all of ours.
I hope you use this guide to work towards the following:
Energetic integrity within your business
Sacred sales tactics
Integral onboarding
Trauma and depthwork education
Understanding consent as a coach
Receiving feedback with truth and sovereignty
ENERGY INTEGRITY
Energetic integrity is one of the least spoken about concepts in the coaching world. For me, energetic integrity encompasses all of the energy that you have in your business: your physical energy and your financial resources. When you understand where all of these resources are going, you have a greater capacity to serve your purpose.
If you are someone who is receiving any amount of financial resources, being transparent with the source of that energy aka The Universe is paramount AND it instills a greater level of authority in yourself.
How This Works With Finances
In every financial investment you make, communicate with the Universe your priorities and why.
Example: I swipe my credit card at the hair salon. It’s X amount. I tell the Universe, “This is a $200 investment in physical body. When my hair is shiny and my ends our crisp, I feel more radiant. With that radiance, I give more peace and presence to the people around me.”
Start to engage in this process for every purchase you make.
How This Works With Your Energy
Your energy is a resource from the Universe. Once again, share what you’re doing with your energy and why.
Example: I feel a desire to lay in bed today. I say, “Dear Universe, I am choosing to clear my schedule today and focus on rest. Investing in rest will allow me to give full presence tomorrow to writing a blog with a clear mind and light body. I will share this with my followers as soon as it feels complete.”
Obviously, it is nearly impossible to be aware in every minscule decision about where your energy is going, but that doesn’t mean we should abandon the effort entirely. By simply tuning into this, we gain so much more awareness.
A SACRED SALES PROCESS
I’ll just share a few notes from what I heard. If we really believe that our offering is in service to the Universe, we don’t need to worry about scarity. If you want to know more about my view on scarcity and abundance, please read, Let’s Talk About $$$ | Ethical Entrepreneurship.
The tactic of you have to decide right now on this call or in the next 48 hours is just plain manipulation.
Instead opt for setting a time container and full alignment. You could say, “Wait until this is a fullbody yes. If that doesn’t come within the next week, We’ll let it be a no. I’m here for you no matter what you decide.” And truly, truly mean that.Agreeing to work with people that you don’t feel aligned with doesn’t serve anyone.
Do Not onboard or work with people that you don’t think will benefit from your work.Set up very clear contracts and agreements.
If you need help with setting up contracts, consult a lawyer or a coach that you trust. Most people are very willing to help with this.Make sure that this person feels space instead of pressure.
When you notice someone clenching up or contracting in a sales call, email or in-person, pull your energy back. YOU alone are responsible for this. When you keep pushing energetically, you are ignoring someone’s boundaries. If you unclear if you are blowing past a boundary, just ask. We’ll talk more about consent later
INTEGRAL ONBOARDING
Even if it’s a group, most coaches feel that you should be asking questions about past trauma in an intake form. All facilitators, guests, guides, and hosts should have access to these forms. Even if it’s a large group of 100+, make sure that you or someone are reviewing all intake forms.
If you feel that any part of your offering isn’t a good fit or you’re worried about the mental health impact on an individual or if you feel like this individual’s goals cannot be addressed in the container, reach out personally to let them know. Express your concerns clearly. Allow them to clarify and be their own boss. Listen to their feedback and make the appropriate decision regarding their participation or access to the content.
EDUCATION FOR TRAUMA AND DEPTHWORK
Most coaches felt that every coach can benefit from a basic understanding of the nervous system.
The nervous system controls our fight, flight or freeze response. When we are in nervous system distress, we do not have access to our prefrontal cortex(the part of our brain that can process complex information). We are just in a programmed response. Aside from the most serious element that we can do great damage as coaches in this space, especially if someone is a trauma recall or PTSD event, coaching is not very effective, when the body is a low-level of stress.
The nervous system can be just as triggered by stress from work, relationships, etc. Coaching is not very effective when we are in any kind distress. Guiding from this space is a deep disservice to our clients. Have some tools on hand for downtempo-ing the nervous system including deep belly breathing and mindfulness meditations.
Most coaches also felt that everyone should have some basic understanding of psychology, personality disorders and trauma.
I have learned the most from the following:
Waking The Tiger by Peter Levine
The Body Keeps The Score by Bessel Van Der Kolk
The Disordered Mind by Eric Kandel
New Beliefs, New Brain by Lisa Wimberger
UNDERSTANDING CONSENT AS A COACH
When you’re going into depth work, if you imagine yourself yelling at participants, doing cathartic release, encouraging activations of intense emotional states like rage, anger or fear, you must ask that person for consent to do so and you need to do this before you start to activate an individual. Once a person is triggered, as mentioned they have less capacity to think reasonably, thus they cannot consent. It’s like asking for consent from a drunk person. It’s irrelevant.
The basic understanding of consent is accept or decline, but there is so much more. True consent is not just asking for a “yes” or “no” but, “How do you want this to go?”
For instance, a client expresses their desire or you make a request to go into an intense space. The next question would be, “I would like to channel intense. I would like to work with the archetype of my father. I could imagine myself punching a pillow. Your response, “Great. What are your boundaries? Would you like _____?” Notice, we’re not asking, “Are you open to screaming at the top of your lungs?” We’re specifically phrasing these sentences toward their desire. “Would you like(would you enjoy) me to yell at you?”
Remember: Often times, once you’ve triggered a traumatic experience, the person who you are guiding cannot distinguish the real from the non-real. You need to be very careful this AND you need to understand an individuals past-trauma or else you could put yourself or that individual in harms way.
You may also ask for this consent legally within your contract in a way that covers your whole engagement however. I think in the moment consent, case by case, is still the best way to go. Especially when you’re pushing someone, ask, “Do I have your permission to push you & what’s your safe word so that I know when to stop?”
HOW DO YOU RECEIVE FEEDBACK?
After hearing all of these experiences, I asked many people, “Did you offer them this feedback?” Responses were varied. Some people felt that their feedback was not truly valued and didn’t receive responses. Others felt disregarded or even shamed. Regardless, it truly is worth considering how we respond to negative feedback.
A few considerations as you revise your own process:
Do you have a way to receive feedback for your group programs?
Do you have a way to ask for feedback during your programs?
Do you ask for feedback about the parts that you feel self-conscious about?
What do you do with negative feedback? Do you hide it? Share it?
In what circumstance do you offer refunds?
Finally, I highly recommend that you walk yourself through your worst possible scenario. You’ve just received the most scathing review… what do you do?
Visualize the scathing email, write a fake email to yourself with the worst possible words a client could share with you. This isn’t creating a negative reality. It’s freeing yourself from it. How do you right back? What do you offer them? I highly recommend practicing this with yourself right now and become a pro of negative feedback :)
CONCLUSION
This is by no means a comprehensive guide.
But I do believe that every individual on this planet deserves to be their own leader, deserves to be their own guide.
This involves treating everyone person that comes into your container like they are their own guru.
Your job is to help deepen their connection to Self and deeper truth.
I don’t believe it is ethical to promise results or even dangle them in front of someone’s nose.
The true journey, the truest result, is a deeper journey into the Self.
If you want to add anything to notes mentioned above, please place them in the comments for our community to consider!
XO,
Maya